how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
