the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
