can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
