actually, I'm a sock model
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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