someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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