You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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