is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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