if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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