We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
