I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
