is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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