Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
