you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize