If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
as a side note pls kill me
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
