come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize