I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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