I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My vagina is officially offended.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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