Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You brought string cheese to the strip club
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
