There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
