We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
operation harelip BJ is a go
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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