Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
