can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
