The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm sobbing to NWA
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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