this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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