apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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