you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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