I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
