Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
