so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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