DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
