What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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