ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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