He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
