She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
