I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
