You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
