Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
