Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
