We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
