Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
