The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
