This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
