You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
