Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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