My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
