Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
