is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You made out with two different species that night
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
