Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
