I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
