How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
