The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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