if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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