I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
