And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
do nipples grow back?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
