Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
