I'm really into asian looking animals
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
