Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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