make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
