Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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