The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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