Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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