got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize