I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
