dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
