i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i wish my penis had a tongue
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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