who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
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