my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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