lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
