I accidentally had phone sex last night
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
