if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
