using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
