all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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