Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
