I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
