she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
