Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just want nice things and good sex
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
