Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
