I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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