My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
