U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
