Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
